family

Holidays-Missing Loved Ones

I have always loved Holidays! A day off of work to spend with family, is how we always spent our holidays! Usually eating, talking and laughing… a lot 🤭 😊🤣and just being together! I really gave a great family that we love to spend time with!

But since my dad passed away, I kind of dread a Holiday. Yes, I think of my dad everyday, talk to him everyday and a lot of times cry! But Holidays, is just a huge reminder that we have this piece missing. My mom comes and leaves alone, I’m not thinking about what food to make sure and have for dad, or what he’d like to drink… and the list goes on and on of the thoughts that run through my mind. And I just miss him more on days like today! Oh and Thanksgiving and Christmas, can I just skip this year?! And maybe next?! Please 😓

I know, I know , I can’t skip! That’s not fair to my kiddos and that is for sure, NOT what God wants of me! I always ask God for the strength and grace to get through this season because I need all the help I can get. But come on, it is Tough!

And I hear from many that it gets easier as time goes by but I have felt as the days and months go on without my dad, it’s been getting harder and harder! maybe more realization that he is not coming back? Not sure. But I miss him! I just miss him. 😞

And then here comes my positive outlook and my hope; that I do truly believe That Gods got this! He is something that I can always count on to be there and I am blessed to have a Heavenly Father like that! But I’ll be honest, it’s hard some times to believe that! and I think that’s okay, because we all go through rough patches and maybe what WE want isn’t Gods plan. God has a plan and reasoning that my father passed away and yes, I am suffering through this grief. But man, look at Jesus and what he endured, but he still trusted his father and dying for you and me on the cross, was the ultimate sacrifice! But he trusted his Father and that is how I know God will take of us and I CAN make it through this!

Gods got this!! ( and that is what my earthly father always taught me as well!)

Miss you dad 🖤

(Many ask why I use a black heart all the time, in reference, to my dad – and Black is the color for melanoma cancer awareness, that my dad passed away from)

family, Mom Life

“Panic Bag” – Our life with Anxiety

My oldest daughter, has  an anxiety disorder (Conversion Disorder) and last summer it was at an all time high and we were really struggling (happy to report she is doing much better)!  Last year when we learned about it, SHE came up with this idea to create a “Panic Bag” (ideas posted to bottom of this post)! We included all the different ways to help reduce her anxiety (stress ball, puddy, iPod for music, etc.) some anxiety reducing techniques (such as breathing exercises) she learned from her counselor, and her school schedule (schedules are VERY helpful for her, she likes to know what to expect next) . We put it in her backpack, but moved it around to other bags if needed. I also put a smaller version in our car.

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This was a great idea and worked very well for her (and I give her kudos for thinking of it). But I Thought I’d share something that worked for us 🙂 But trust me, there were a lot of things that didn’t work so well either.

I think the key is – anxiety can be very different for everyone and you have to figure out your triggers and what will work for you and/or your family and friends. Anxiety is an increasing mental health disorder, that we continue to learn and read more about. One thing with children, they can have a hard time expressing themselves. For my daughter, she just DIDN’T express herself at all and the anxiety built and built until your body had to figure out a way to express the anxiety she was feeling and this is when she was diagnosed with Conversion Disorder (Conversion disorder is a rare condition in which your brain converts mental stress into physical symptoms).

I wish you all well and please if you have any questions for me, as a parent with a child with anxiety, I would love to help!

Trust me – you are NOT alone! Once we shared what was going on with our daughter, more and more people shared others they knew that were going through the same thing. It is something we need to start and keep talking about!

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family

Visiting…

This week my family and I spent the week with my mom at her place in Florida. My dad and her bought it October 2016 and December 2016 he was diagnosed with Melanoma…and they never went back.

They spent one month down their together and this was my moms first time back. They had worked so hard, finally retired and was finally able to buy a place in Florida! They were so excited and had so many plans…but they were their plans…not Gods plans.

While down their we continued to ask “why God? Why couldn’t have dad had more time down here?” When he talked about retirement, all he would talk about was Florida. 😢

There are so many times in our lives that we ask “why God?” And does God ever answer us? The good news- He does! he answers us! God has a reason for EVERYTHING! We have to trust him! Trust that He has a reason for even the smallest detail!

Even though I do not know why God took my dad, I will continue to trust Him! It’s hard! It. Is. Hard. 💔

I would have LOVED to see my dad in his Florida place, but I didn’t and it will be okay. I had tears, my mom had many tears, but our family was their for her and I am so glad I was able to go with her and support her in this.

The thing that keeps me going is believing that someday I will see my dad again in Heaven. And he was a blessing to me while he was here on earth. But this is not our home, not our eternal home, that will be with God.

There is even a blessing in this…

All About those Kids

Toby Mac!!!!

This weekend, my girls and I went to a Toby Mac concert!

When I bought these tickets in December, my oldest Addison (with the anxiety disorder) was pretty unstable and I was truly unsure if she’d be able to go. She has increased anxiety around crowds and my fear was her having an anxiety attack in the middle of a crowd and we’re stuck! A nightmare for everyone…but I am happy to report, no nightmare 😊 and we had a blast! Well at least her and I did, her sister (Adrie) fell asleep 😴(not sure how that happens at a concert🤔)but she has the talent of being able to sleep anywhere/anytime…just like her mama!img_7142

This is a big step in our anxiety goals and I am beyond proud of Addison ! She is doing so well, however every day is a new day and we may have set backs and that’s okay too. this is a lifetime adventure that God has placed in our lives and we will make it through it with His guiding hand!

Her sister; Adrie, my “middle child” ( we joke about her being the “middle child” because my sister is middle child and uses that as an excuse for everything that didn’t go well in her childhood 😉 ) Anyways, she has been amazing! Addison was always our go-to, she was a big help in the family, however when everything started doing downhill this summer, Adrie, had to step up to the plate! She has been a rock for me! Hugging me when I need it and making sure she is keeping an eye on her older sister… and even helping with her little brother too! And I wonder; if Addison had not gone through her anxiety adventure this summer, would Adrie have had this “opportunity”?

Either way, I am just beyond blessed that the Lord blessed me with these 2 amazing girls!

We got this! xoxo

 

 

 

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Speech from the Celebration of Life service for my Dad

img_3995“Hi everyone, I’m Christy, I’m the baby of the family. First of all, we want to thank everyone for the overwhelming support over the last year since he’s been diagnosed; it’s been rough! Lots of ups and downs and more than once we thought we were going to lose him and he just kept fighting! The last week he was home – mom, us 3 kids, grandkids, brothers and sisters, and close friends all spent time with him and whether he liked it or not; he was never alone ;)”

“The first part of the week he was somewhat responsive and I had a nice lunch with just him, watched some football and shared some good memories. But then the 2nd part of the week it took a lot for him to speak and so we sat silently together and during that time if just sitting with him and holding his hand – I thought about what he was maybe thinking and feeling (because he was not one for sharing much) so I wrote a few words:

Look past the discolor of my skin, look past this too-thin frame

I can hardly lift my head, for my body is too weak and my hair is gone but I will keep smiling

If you looked inside all you’d see is this controlling disease

I will, I will continue to trust, for our God is in control

I have already won this battle on earth, take me home sweet Jesus, take me home

For my hope is in you alone”

Love, your baby Christy

xoxo

 

family

“see you later”

This weekend my father went home to his Heavenly Father! He had a year long battle with Melanoma and fought every day, every minute to beat it! He was such a strong, loving, faithful father, husband, grandfather, brother and friend. We love you dad and will miss you more than you will ever know! Thank you for always putting you Faith first and for teaching that to our family!

“We’ll see you later dad! We’ll see you later!”

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Back and Forth

I continue to struggle with what’s going on in my life, with my daughters anxiety skyrocketing and fathers cancer slowly taking over his body- I go back and forth about what to feel worse about; my daughters mental health breakdown or fathers future?! 😥

I try and think “find something positive” I always find the blessing and feel Satan getting his way with me and winning because I’m sad and just can’t find the blessing right now… but then I read this verse tonight (trying to do devotions on a more regular basis ) while reading the Bible and thought Gods got this! 👊🏻

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still” Exodus 14:14

Even if it’s just for the moment, I will be positive, I will eventually find the blessing…maybe not today, tomorrow or next week but I Will! Because God’s got this!!